Dear Tori Read online

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, me pulling a few strings might buy you a little time, but it would only prolong the inevitable.”

  I am trying so hard not to cry. “You’re loving this, aren’t you?”

  “I’m really not.” Christian tilts his head to the side and gives me a fake, sad look. “But if you think about it, maybe this is for the best.”

  “How do you figure that? This farm has been in my family for generations, and it’s the only home my brother has ever known. My six year old brother, who just lost his father.” I choke out a sob that I can’t swallow back no matter how hard I try.

  “Everyone will adjust in time, and it’ll give you a chance to start looking ahead to a real future.”

  “Do you think if we lose this place, I’m going to come crawling back to you? Because that’s never going to happen.”

  Christian shrugs and picks at a piece of fuzz on his lapel. “I’m only trying to help you.”

  “You could’ve helped me by telling me the truth from day one, and not wasting two years of my life!”

  “Are you still upset about that?”

  I curl my hands into tight fists. My nails cut into my palms. “You lied to me the whole time. I’m completely justified in being furious. Anyone else in my shoes would be mad too.”

  Christian rolls his eyes. He actually rolls his eyes at me, and it takes every shred of restraint I have left not to hit him. “Victoria, you’re acting like I abused you, or I was cruel to you in some way, and we both know that’s not true.”

  “No, but you patronized me, and treated me like a child.”

  He smirks. “If the shoe fits…”

  Oh, god. I want to slap him, and scratch at him with my nails, and drive my fists into his face and chest. I’d love to take off my actual shoe and beat him senseless with it, but that would only prove his point, wouldn’t it?

  I can’t hear one more word from him, or I’m going to snap, so I turn and fly towards the house.

  Christian grabs my arm in a hard grip. “Don’t stomp off in a huff. Let’s talk about this.”

  “There’s nothing left to talk about.”

  “Perhaps we can come to some sort of arrangement.”

  “I don’t want to be with you, Christian,” I state plainly. Take away all the lies and deceit, and I still don’t want to be with him. We never belonged together in the first place.

  “If you agree to have my baby, I’ll make that loan disappear.”

  “Are you crazy? If I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, what makes you think I’d want to have your child?” I try to twist free of his grasp, but his fingers tighten in response. “Why would you even want to?”

  “I think that’s fairly obvious.”

  “Well, it’s not obvious to me.”

  Christian clicks his tongue impatiently and sighs. “We have similar attributes, and before your accident you were highly intelligent. Genetically we would be an excellent match.”

  I can’t help but laugh. He’s talking about having a child with me the same way my dad used to discuss breeding livestock. “I’m sure you can find another blonde haired, green eyed girl to pass an IQ test for you.”

  “Why should I? We already had everything planned out.”

  My mouth gapes. I can’t believe Christian thinks he can buy the rights to my womb, except… maybe I can. He has money, and he’s used to getting whatever he wants. He strategizes and goal sets, and adjusts when things don’t go according to plan. Since the original plan of marrying me and producing two offspring with the particular set of genetic attributes is off the table, he must think this is the next best thing. “Christian, I’m not going to give birth to a baby and hand it over to you for any amount of money. That’s sick.”

  “Of course I wouldn’t expect you to just give me the infant. We would raise it together.”

  I try to jerk my arm free of his hand. When that doesn’t work, I stomp on his foot until he lets go with a surprised yelp.

  “Think about it,” Christian calls out as I flee.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Noah

  “Tori?” I call out, looking all around. Maggie said she was in the barn, but she didn’t specify which one, and I’ve already checked the other two. “Are you in here somewhere, babe?”

  She doesn’t answer me, but I catch a flash of pale skin overhead, and look up to see her perched above me, hunched over the rail of the hay loft with her feet dangling beneath. She’s cradling a bottle of whiskey, and glaring down at me. “What do you want Noah?” she slurs.

  “I just want to talk,” I say carefully.

  Truthfully, I expected her to still be pissed off after that bombshell last night, but I’m surprised to find her drinking alone, and judging by her half-lidded gaze, already wasted.

  She hiccups. “How’s Natalie?”

  “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen her.” I climb the ladder up to the alcove and lower myself down beside her.

  “Well, I’m sure you two will be really happy together,” she says.

  “Don’t start that shit again, Tori. I’m going to get this test done tomorrow, and we’ll see, but no matter what it says, I’m not with her.”

  “Look, I know how this sort of thing works. You’ll fall in love while you’re shopping for cribs and cute little baby clothes together. That’s probably what Christian thinks will happen with us, but he’s dead wrong. I’ll never love him, even if we have five babies together.” Tori takes a big swig from the bottle, and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “If I didn’t love him after two whole years, it’s never gonna happen.”

  I pluck the bottle out of her hands, noting that it’s one fourth gone already. “What are you talking about?”

  “I guess I’m going to have Christian’s baby.”

  “What?”

  Tori laughs and grabs for the bottle, but I hold it up out of reach. “I don’t have a choice, Noah. It’s not like I want to have his baby. I don’t want to have anyone’s baby. I’m going to be an unfit mother raising a child with a man I’m starting to think is a psychopath. But I have to do it. There’s no other way.”

  “Are you pregnant?” I ask in disbelief, staring between Tori and the bottle of whiskey.

  She giggles drunkenly. “Not yet. And I am NOT having sex with him again. No fucking way. We can do artificial insemination.”

  “Tori, I know you’re upset, but this is nuts. That might not even be my baby. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not, but even if it is mine, there’s no reason to have a baby you don’t want with Chris just to get back at me.”

  “Everything isn’t about you, Noah.” She lunges for the bottle again. I’m in such a state of shock, I let her have it. “People have children for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes it’s for love. Sometimes it’s an accident, and sometimes it’s to settle an outstanding debt and save the family farm.” Tori laughs uproariously. “Maybe in a few years, we can meet up and have a playdate with our kids. Won’t that be fun?”

  “You are not having a baby with that prick. Over my dead body.”

  “Don’t act like I want to do this, Noah. But I’ve been sitting here thinking about it for hours. There’s no other way.”

  “I don’t know how much thinking you’ve been doing, but you’ve done enough drinking. You’re going to feel like crap in the morning as it is.” I take the bottle away from her a second time, and set it down on my other side. “Now slow down, and tell me what this is about.”

  Her voice is warbled with emotion, and slurred with alcohol as she rambles in circles. After a while I’m finally able to get the whole story out of her. She needs money, and a lot of it, to save this place.

  “What about that idea you were talking about, the petting zoo and pumpkin patch thing?”

  “What about it? That would take money I don’t have to get going.”

  “Couldn’t you sell some of the cows?”

  “I could, but
that would be even less money coming in from here on out, so I’d be stuck in the same situation five or six months from now. No matter what I do, Christian’s right, I’m going to be right back in the same predicament eventually. No wonder my dad had a heart attack. Look how stressed he was, hiding all this from Maggie, and juggling things around trying to keep this place going. And it’s all my fault.”

  “How is it your fault?”

  “He took that loan out after my accident to pay for my medical bills and physical therapy. Not to mention all the time he had to take away from work to teach me how to do everything again. He was paying people to work here so he could take care of me himself, and look how I repaid him? I ran away. I barely ever called him. Now Maggie and Brandon get to suffer for my stupidity? It’s not right. My brother wasn’t even born yet, and he loves living here. How is it fair that he gets to pay for my mistakes?” Tori leans forward to cross her forearms on the wood railing. “Maybe getting stuck with Christian is just my penance.”

  “What happened to your arm?”

  Tori stares at the hand shaped bruise marring her pale skin and shrugs.

  “Who did this to you?”

  “Stop acting all macho. What are you going to do, go beat up Chris again?” She pauses to laugh, then blinks at me a few times. “You did beat him up once, didn’t you?”

  “You remember that?” I ask nervously. So far she hasn’t remembered a single thing from the night of her accident.

  “A little.” She starts to shake her head at me. “That doesn’t seem like a very fair fight. You should pick on people your own size, Noah.”

  “Then he should’ve kept his hands to himself. He deserved it, and he had it coming for a while. That little shit was trying to get in your panties the whole time we were together.” Chris had been obsessed with her, although Tori always brushed it off as the two of them being friends. “I can’t believe he did this to you,” I say, cradling her arm. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

  “No, you’re not. We’re not together anymore, Noah. And I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.”

  “Will you please stop this? We belong together, and you know it.”

  “Maybe we did belong together, but that was before. I’m not the same person you fell in love with, Noah. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m a joke now. Even if it wasn’t for that loan, I probably would’ve managed to run this place into the ground sooner or later.”

  I stare at Tori’s profile. “I guess you’re right. You aren’t the same person I remember. There’s no way in hell the old Tori would’ve rolled over and given up like this.”

  “I’m not giving up. Giving up would be letting the bank take this place.”

  “No, what you’re doing is worse. You plan on whoring yourself out to pay off a debt.”

  Her eyes narrow to slits. “I’m not a whore.”

  “No, you’re not, and when you sober up, you’re going to realize what a terrible idea this is.”

  “If you have a better plan, I’d love to hear it.”

  “We start this business like you talked about.”

  “Noah, I can’t remember my own phone number. How am I going to run a business?”

  “I help Buck with that stuff at the shop all the time, and you know all about animals. We’ll do it together.”

  “I don’t have the money to do it. I already told you that.”

  “I have some cash saved, and I’m sure I can find some… investors.” I don’t like lying to Tori, but if I tell her how I plan on getting this cash, she’ll never go along with my idea.

  “You have a baby to worry about.”

  I wish like hell I had never told her about that until I knew one way or the other. “Maybe I do, and maybe I don’t, but in either case, I’m good at multitasking.” I hold Tori’s face in my hands. “I know I fucked up, but I waited too many years for you to come back to lose you again. We have to find a way to make this work. I love you, and after all this time, I’ve got to assume you’re the only woman I’m ever going to love.”

  “I love you too, but—”

  “Stop. No buts. We love each other, and we’re going to figure this out together. You’re not losing this place, and I’m not losing you. Not again. Especially to that piece of shit, Chris. If you could remember… Tori, steer clear of him. He’s dangerous.”

  She laughs. “Christian? Dangerous? Are we talking about the same person?”

  Shaking my head, I run my fingers through her hair. If she only knew. I hate thinking about that night. I wish I could block it out of my memory the way she has. “Promise me, babe. Please. You don’t need his help. I’m going to help you.”

  “You shouldn’t have to help me.”

  “I want to.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I love you.” And because I’m the one at fault for all this in a roundabout way, which she doesn’t remember, and I hope to god she never does.

  Tori leans forward to press her lips against mine in a sloppy, whiskey tinged kiss. When her hands brushes down my chest and lands right next to my dick, I gently pull her wrist away. “Babe, you’re drunk.”

  “So?”

  I groan as her tongue traces up the side of my neck. “So… I’m not going to take advantage of you like that.”

  Tori reaches across me to grab the bottle. She presses it into my hand. “Then hurry and catch up. If we’re both drunk, no one’s taking advantage of anyone.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “That’s one way of looking at it, but I’m afraid if we’re both drunk, we’ll be stuck up here. Just how were you planning on getting down that ladder without busting your ass?”

  “I didn’t think that far ahead,” Tori admits with a sheepish grin.

  “It’s a good thing I showed up when I did. Hop on. I’ll give you a ride down.” I stand up, and crouch down so Tori can scramble on my back. “Hold on tight.”

  Tori’s arms and legs are wrapped around me as I climb down the ladder rungs carefully. I piggyback her like that out of the barn and across the field towards the house, her giggling the whole way.

  “Shhh. I think your brother’s asleep,” I remind her when we reach the back porch. I set her on her feet, and she wobbles a bit, then regains her balance.

  After some gentle coaxing, I get Tori settled in bed upstairs. I lean over to drop a kiss on her forehead, and her hand hooks behind my neck. She pulls my mouth down to hers, and makes a motion like she means to drag me in bed with her. “I love you, Noah.”

  I really hope it’s not just the alcohol talking. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that again.”

  “A long time,” Tori sighs.

  “Way too long, and I love you too. Forever.”

  Her eyelids flutter sleepily. “We need to put that charm on my bracelet.”

  “We can do that tomorrow. You need to get some sleep.”

  “We’ve almost got them all now. I think we’re still missing the rainbow.”

  “We’ll find one,” I promise her. “We’ve got the rest of our lives.”

  I pull the sheet up around Tori’s shoulders, and give her one more soft kiss before I straighten and turn to leave. She’s out cold before I’ve turned the light off and closed the door to her room.

  Maggie is downstairs just like I found her earlier, looking bewildered and hopeless on the couch. She has a bottle of wine on the coffee table, and an almost empty glass in her hand. There are papers spread out all over. I scoop some of them out of my way, and plop down beside her.

  “Did Tori tell you?” she asks.

  “Yup.”

  “I can’t believe Kevin hid this from me.”

  “He probably didn’t want to worry you.” My eyes skim over the papers, seeking out the loan details. Tori wasn’t able to give me particulars on the amount owed, but it’s pretty much what I feared.

  “Maybe we should just let the bank have it. He didn’t want Tori or Brandon to get saddled with th
is place. He said it all the time.”

  “Tori loves it here, Maggie. And so does Brandon.”

  She nods slowly. “I don’t think I ever realized how hard Kevin worked. It never stops.”

  “Do you want to stay?” I ask, almost afraid of what she’ll say. I already know how Tori feels about it.

  “Yeah, I’d like to. This place has been my home for a long time, but it might not matter what I want at this point.”

  “Tori has a pretty good idea about how to save this place, and I want to help.” I give Maggie the gist of what Tori wants to do, leaving out the part about how I plan to get the startup cash.

  “Do you really think this will work?” she asks.

  I can only shrug. “It might or it might not, but you can’t be any worse off than you are right now.”

  The only thing worse than seeing them lose this farm, would be watching Tori get roped back in by that slimeball Chris. I’ll do anything to keep that from happening again.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Tori

  Predictably I feel like garbage the next morning. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been hungover, but it’s not too bad. A dull headache and mild nausea. It could be worse.

  My thoughts are full to the brim with worry about the farm, and the rest of my family. All the years I was away from Brockton, it never once occurred to me that this place wouldn’t be here. It’s home, and even though the days are long and hard, I can’t imagine doing anything else. I don’t want to imagine it.

  Noah was right about one thing. My opinion on Christian’s baby scheme have shifted dramatically in the sober light of day. How could I have considered such a thing, drunk or not? It’s utterly despicable that he would even ask me. Thank god he showed his true colors, and I came to my senses before the wedding. I dodged a huge bullet there.

  I’ve already been up a couple of hours when I shoot Noah a text.

  Me: Thanks for tucking me in last night

  Noah: My pleasure. How are you feeling?

  Me: Crappy, but I’ve got no one to blame but myself

  Noah: It’s all going to be okay, Tori